Flabbergasted - According to the Cambridge Dictionary:
‘Feeling shocked, usually because of something you were not expecting’.
Have you ever received feedback that was such a surprise you were left speechless, thunderstruck, or floored? Maybe you were feedback bombed, a victim of ‘drive-by feedback’ or the feedback was delivered with absolutely no warm-up or warning and was certainly not what you expected. You were flabbergasted by the feedback.
Strategy #1. Curiously observe the emotions you are experiencing:
Be kind to yourself. You are human, and it is human to experience emotions. Some common emotions people experience when they have been feedback bombed include surprise, fear and anxiety.
Surprise is an interruption caused by information that doesn't fit with our current understanding or expectations. It causes us to reevaluate.
Fear is a negative, short-lasting, high-alert emotion in response to a perceived threat.
Anxiety is an emotion characterised by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.
Strategy #2. Notice your armour of self-protection:
Check out Brene Brown’s fantastic work on Armours of Self-Protection. My belief and experience is that it is not necessarily the feedback that causes issues, it’s the armour we use to try to keep ourselves safe when being offered feedback. This armour is not useful. It can get in the way of us listening to and learning from the feedback being offered to us.
Some common examples of armour when we are feedback bombed include: (remember these are our responses to the person offering the feedback)
Blaming: ‘It wasn’t my fault; I had no choice’.
Cynicism: ‘You are only saying that because you have a grudge against me’.
Criticism: ‘You are not very good at giving feedback!’
Judgment: ‘You are seriously the worst leader I have ever worked for’.
Comparison: ‘You think my work is bad? You should see how bad Bob’s work is!’
Avoidance: ‘I’ve got to go to another meeting now’ (or, ‘I’m resigning’).
Aggression: ‘You are crazy! You have got to be joking, WHATEVER!’
Strategy #3. Give yourself permission to create the time and space to process the emotions you are experiencing and reduce your armour before you consider the feedback.
When someone offers you feedback right now, that doesn’t mean you have to consider it right now. If you were feedback bombed (no warm-up), allow yourself the time and space to process the emotions you are experiencing, and then bring awareness to your armour of self-protection. For the workplace, create a default response of; ‘Thanks for your feedback, I’ll consider it’. This quick response is professional, respectful, and vague enough for you to create the time and space you need to get yourself into the right state to consider the feedback. And you are not lying or avoiding – you might consider the feedback for 0.1 of a second, and then decide the person is not qualified to provide useful feedback. Or you might decide you are interested in finding out more. You can continue the conversation in the Cool Down phase of the Feedback Fitness Framework.
Reflect, process and consider the Feedback in the ‘Cool Down’ phase.
After you have given yourself the time and space to be in a more open state can use the Cool Down phase to consider the feedback offered to you. This is where you can decide what meaning you will give to the feedback. The Cool Down phase is an opportunity for you to seek clarification on the feedback offered to you. It’s a chance (if possible) to talk the feedback through with the person who offered it to you and discuss the next steps of implementation (or not!).