Have you ever had an upcoming tricky feedback conversation and when you think about how it's going to go:
You notice you are experiencing dread about having to offer feedback to someone.
You keep putting it off and justifying your decision with creative reasons.
You have a physical reaction at the thought of having the conversation.
You secretly hope the person leaves, or someone else gives them the feedback so you don’t have to.
You hope if you drop enough hints, the person will magically read your mind and YOU don’t have to say a thing (and then they THANK you!)
You are wishing they suddenly become super self-aware, have an AHA! moment, and immediately implement the changes you would have offered them in your feedback.
You play out fantasies in your mind about the feedback conversation going really well, AND (mostly) the feedback conversation going pear-shaped and the fall out of that.
You don’t sleep well the night before the scheduled feedback meeting.
If you have set up the feedback meeting, you hope the other person can’t make the meeting at the last minute, then your stomach churns when they arrive.
You feel nervous, awkward, and have sweaty armpits before the conversation.
You would rather stick pins in your eyeballs than have the conversation…
Use the above checklist as evidence and an indication that you have not yet set up the feedback conversation for success.
‘Dread occurs frequently in response to your concern that the feedback conversation will be a negative experience for everyone involved. Its magnitude increases as the dreaded feedback conversation draws nearer’.
Accept the feeling of dread and think of it as useful information from your brain and your body about a perceived danger.
Thank you brain and body for sending you these signals as a way of trying to keep you safe.
Reframe the feeling of dread to mean that you are perceiving the feedback conversation as a danger or threat. What is the danger or threat you are worried about?
Give yourself permission to not have the feedback conversation yet.
Commit to taking action to reduce the feeling of dread by either initiating a Warm Up conversation or revisiting a Warm Up Conversation.
I’ll keep it short and to the point. If you are dreading offering feedback to someone, it’s a sign you either haven’t had a Warm Up conversation with them, or enough of a warm up conversation, and you are worried about the conversation going pear shaped. The Warm Up conversation is where you set the stage for the future feedback conversation. The Warm Up conversation is an investment for everyone involved, and is all about ensuring psychologically safety, for both you, and the other person.
If you are experiencing Feedback dread, don’t offer the feedback just yet, have a Warm Up conversation before you offer the Feedback.
When you use the Feedback Fitness Framework you are increasing the likelihood of experiencing relief after a successful feedback conversation. Imagine the conversation going really well, and you walk away knowing you helped, supported and guided someone to be their best.