I was delivering a Feedback Fitness workshop last month and we were talking about where we were on the Feedback Receiving ladder.  During the discussion, one participant said she would never tell anyone if she was Feedback Resilient.

Curious, I asked what she meant (because in my mind the aim is to move up the ladder towards Feedback Resilient!).  She answered, ‘Well if I say I’m Feedback Resilient, people will give me lots of direct feedback, and I’m worried how that will make me feel’.

There it was. ‘…how that will make me feel’.  It wasn’t the feedback she was worried about, it was how the feedback will make her feel.   Her language gave a clue that she believes feedback can make her feel something she does not want to feel.

I clarified. ‘When you are feedback resilient, you choose how you feel about the feedback being offered to you.  You do that by choosing what meaning you give to the feedback and to what degree you’re going to take it on board (if at all!).  You have feedback filters and you give yourself permission to choose how you think about the feedback being offered to you.  From the meaning you give to the feedback, comes how you feel about it. (If this sounds appealing, check out Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett’s theory of constructed emotion).

Someone who is Feedback Resilient is open to receiving feedback because they know they can choose how they feel about the feedback offered to them.  They always have choice.

Please sing out if I can help you have more choice about how you feel about feedback offered to you.