Ever catch yourself thinking in extremes? All-or-Nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that can derail feedback conversations:
For example:
“I’m right, you’re wrong.”
“The feedback is either useful or useless.”
“If I don’t say it perfectly, I shouldn’t say it at all.”
This rigid mindset can block connection, progress, and growth, making feedback feel like a high-stakes risky one-off event, rather than a series of ongoing conversations.
Think of feedback as a continuous dialogue that occurs within a relationship.
Look for patterns, not isolated moments. One comment doesn’t define performance.
Celebrate and value degrees of progress. Even small improvements matter.
Think “Both/And” Instead of “All or Nothing”.
Feedback can be both challenging and valuable. It can feel awkward and inspiring.
Consider Degrees of Usefulness.
Ask, to what extent is this feedback helpful? 50%? 80%?
Find the Third Option.
Instead of labelling feedback as “good” or “bad,” look for nuance. What part of this can I apply?
The more adaptable your approach, the more impactful and confident your feedback conversations will be. Let’s leave extremes behind and build real Feedback Fitness!