You have probably heard of Brene Brown. Brené Brown is an American professor, author, and podcast host, and is famous for her work on shame, vulnerability, and leadership. More recently, she has been researching emotions, and her book Atlas of the Heart is one of my all-time favourite reads.
During COVID lockdowns, I completed her eight-week online course, Dare to Lead. It was a bright spark I looked forward to every week, and really helped me work through my COVID emotions, and I used the tools to support many people I was coaching through lockdown.
‘It is not the critic who counts’
At the start of the Dare to Lead program, Brene recited part of a speech made in Paris in 1910 by Theodore Roosevelt. I remember doing an internal eye roll and thinking ‘What does this have to do with leadership in the middle of a pandemic in 2020?!’
‘It is not the critic who counts nor the man (person) who points out how the strong man (person) stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man (person) who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly…who at the best knows in the end triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he (they) fails, at least fails while daring greatly.'
Brene explained that 'cheap seats' are those people who are more than willing to offer you feedback, but not willing to get with you down in the arena and have a go themselves. A workplace example is when people are very enthusiastic and passionate about criticising leaders, but not willing to put up their hand and step into a leadership position, even when asked to act in the position for two weeks!
In it, Brene explains the arena even further, ‘If you are not in the arena, getting your ass kicked on occasion because you were being brave, I am not interested in or open to your feedback about my work’.
Brene’s advice when people in the arena offer you ‘interesting’ feedback:
‘Don’t grab that hurtful stuff from the cheap seats and pull it close. Don’t pull it anywhere near your heart. Just let it fall to the ground. You don’t have to stomp it or kick it. You just gotta step over it and keep going. You can’t take criticism and feedback from people who are not being brave with their lives.’
Brene’s advice on deciding whose feedback to be open to:
‘You are neurologically hardwired to care what people think. You have not hacked that. We care what other people think. The deal is that you have to be very specific about people whose opinions of you matter. It’s not that you don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. Just don’t give a shit what some people think. And you know who makes that list? People who you love you, not despite your imperfections and vulnerability, but because of your imperfections and vulnerability. Their feedback matters’.