I was talking with a Leader recently and he was sharing that he felt anxious about an upcoming feedback conversation, which will most likely lead to the person being performance managed. He described feeling a wave of anxiety about the upcoming feedback conversation. Can you relate? If so, you’re not alone. Leaders often put off these conversations, hoping the issue will resolve itself. But delaying feedback only increases stress. I call it feedback dread.
You feel an overwhelming sense of discomfort at the thought of offering feedback.
You keep postponing the conversation, justifying it with creative excuses.
Your body reacts—your stomach churns, your heart races, your palms sweat.
You secretly wish someone else would step in and have the conversation for you.
You drop subtle hints, hoping the other person will read your mind and adjust their behaviour.
You imagine best- and worst-case scenarios, playing out a mental movie of the conversation.
You struggle to sleep the night before the scheduled meeting.
You hope the other person cancels at the last minute—then feel instant regret when they don’t.
You would rather do almost anything else than step into that conversation.
Recognising these signs is the first step in setting up a successful feedback conversation.
Or in Feedback Fitness terms: Dread happens when we perceive a feedback conversation as a negative experience. The closer it gets, the more overwhelming it feels.
1. Acknowledge the Dread
Your brain and body are sending you signals. Instead of fighting them, thank them for trying to keep you safe. Just notice and label them.
2. Reframe the Fear
Dread signals that your brain sees this feedback conversation as a potential threat. Ask yourself: What am I really worrying about? What are some different ways I could think about this conversation?
3. Press Pause (Strategically)
If you’re experiencing significant dread, if possible, don’t have the conversation yet. Take a step back and consider whether you’ve set up the conversation for success. The most useful question you can ask yourself here is ‘Have I had the Warm -Up conversation?’
4. Start with a Warm-Up Conversation
If feedback conversations feel risky, it’s likely because there hasn’t been enough of a foundation built. The Warm-Up Conversation sets the stage for future feedback discussions by creating psychological safety for both you and the other person.
5. Use the Feedback Fitness Framework
A well-structured approach reduces anxiety and increases confidence by giving you a framework to use (not a script). Image walking away from the conversation knowing you’ve done the best job you can in encouraging the other person to grow in their role. AND you have a plan moving forward.
Imagine finishing a feedback conversation and feeling relief—knowing you’ve supported and guided someone toward their best work.